Who's Different? You or Me?
It's OK to be different. In fact, we ARE all different! So why do we mostly speak about difference as something otherly, as if there was a homogeneous 'we'? We crave to belong to this constructed 'we' and when we stick out for some reason - skin colour, hair colour...the list is long - we are sometimes made to feel uncomfortable, even undesirable. There is pressure to conform and we would all like to fit in. Yet, no two children or persons are alike and differences are a fact of life. What is constructed are the hierarchies, the value judgements. Being this way or that way, both are OK. How is this topic being treated in children's books? Let's look at a random selection:
'Sorum und Anders' by Yvonne Hergane/Christiane Pieper (Recommended for ages 2 to 4)
This book in verse is about two friends who couldn't be more different from each other. Available in German, the title itself welcomes 'being this way or that way', both are OK! One is tall, the other short; one is made of cotton, the other stone; one is loud, the other quiet. When they play, they have their own preferences; one likes to start fights, the other is good at ending them. The message is clear - 'sorum sein ist voll okay. Anders sein tut auch nicht weh' - being one way is absolutely OK, being another way doesn't do you any harm either!
It's simple, although sometimes frivolous, as if the message sometimes has to sit on the backburner to give room for the rhyming style! But the message is nonetheless clear - no two are alike, don't expect it, embrace it, you are part of this abstract thing we call difference!
'te quiero (casi siempre)' by Anna Llenas (I love you, almost always)
The characters Lolo and Rita are very different, not least because Lolo is a rollie pollie and Rita a firefly. One is strong, the other delicate (this is where the gender bias starts!); one is practical, the other always has her head in the clouds (gender bias continues!). Lolo (HE) always has everything under control whereas Rita (SHE) likes playing it by ear. Rita is sincere (expected of and instilled at an early age in girls?), Lolo is independent and mysterious. Both recognise their differences and like each other BECAUSE of them! Of course, differences lead to conflicts and conflicts can cause rupture or renewal. Rita criticises, for example, that Lolo always has to be in control of everything. Suddenly, what once appeared as desirable now seem repulsive. They wish each could me more like the other or less like her/himself. Their differences now stand in the way. One day, however, each decides to give in a little in order to accommodate the other. Rita learns to respect Lolo's independent moments and his mysteriousness (is it always the woman who has more of the burden when it is about giving and taking?) and Lolo enjoys Rita's spontaneity once more. Despite their differences, which can sometimes get in the way and become a hurdle, they still love each other!
This book delves into differences at a more complex level:
We are different, it's a fact---We appreciate each other's differences and love each other for it---Our differences can sometimes just be too much--- What to do about it? - Compromise is sometimes necessary; each gives in a little---We accept our differences and get along with each other despite them
Same, same but different:
While this book embraces differences and resolves inevitable conflicts (brought about by differences) through compromise, understanding and respect on the one hand, it reinforces stereotypical gender roles and re-introduces a bias that is especially perjudicial to women, who are once more associated with 'softer' qualities and who are expected, based on tradition, to give in more to the dominant male demands, on the other hand. All in all, a good book but dubious because of its gender bias.
How widespread is gender bias in children's fiction?
I would like to quote some of the findings from the study published by Observer (carried out with market research company Nielsen) which looked at the 100 most popular children's books for 2017 (https://www.theguardian.com/books/2018/jan/21/childrens-books-sexism-monster-in-your-kids-book-is-male):
How widespread is gender bias in children's fiction?
I would like to quote some of the findings from the study published by Observer (carried out with market research company Nielsen) which looked at the 100 most popular children's books for 2017 (https://www.theguardian.com/books/2018/jan/21/childrens-books-sexism-monster-in-your-kids-book-is-male):
- Male characters were twice as likely to have leading roles (often stereotypically masculine roles)
- They were given far more speaking parts than females
- there was an overrepresentation of male villains and an almost absence of female ones.
- female adults undertaking caring roles were common in the stories
- mothers were present as twice as often as fathers
With this in mind, I'm sure if we go back to the books we read with our kids, such findings would be confirmed and corroborated in large measure. What are our kids unconsciously taking with them from this fiction and media world that is so dear to them? And gender bias aside, what about race/colour and all the other realities that are almost completely sidelined - single parenting, living with disabilities, migration, etc. Why are such 'inclusive' books not being mainstreamed?
Here is bell hooks on the importance of critiquing children's education and keeping a keen eye on the books that are shaping our children's image of themselves and their place in the world:
'When contemporary feminist movement was at its peak, sexist biases in books for children were critiqued. Books "for free children" were written. Once we ceased being critically vigilant, the sexism began to reappear. Children's literature is one of the most crucial sites for feminist education for critical consciousness precisely because beliefs and identities are still being formed. And more often than not narrow-minded thinking about gender continues to be the norm on the playground. Public education for children has to be a place where feminist activists continue to do the work of creating an unbiased curriculum (from her manual Feminism is for Everybody)
I Am Enough by Grace Byers (recommended for ages 3 to 5)
'I know that we don't look the same:
our skin, our eyes, our hair, our frame.
but that does not dictate our worth:
we both have places here on earth' (extract from 'I Am Enough')
You are as potent as the sun, you can soar like a bird, you are as imposing as a mountain... There will be difficult moments but you just have to get up and get back on...of course with love and support and self-worth, the task becomes less daunting. that's basically the message of this book with very powerful illustrations that have tried to be as inclusive as possible - girls with glasses, in a wheelchair, in a hijab..all just blending in with all the other differences that make up the world. The book has been widely praised for its illustrations by Khetura Bobo and in an interview, Byers mentioned their joint effort in selecting the images to go with her text. She admits not being a writer - this is her first picture book - and is more known for her role as actress in the popular TV series Empire but adds that everyone has a story and something to say.
Byers moved to the US from the Cayman Islands in her teenage years, was the child of deaf parents and was the victim of bullying as a child. These experiences and how she overcame them, are reflected in her feel-good lines and her message to make children and adults know that they are enough no matter what they may look like or how others define them. Her lines are certainly uplifting, although she has been criticised for some of her imagery and the difficulty of relating to them (eg. Like the rain, I'm here to pour and drip and fall until I'm full').
All in all, a good book that celebrates the self with uplifting, inspiring messages and attractive illustrations. It's a good start to introducing your child to the wholeness that we are part of, although the words may sometimes sound hollow with little resonance. Nonetheless, we all need to remind ourselves that we are enough and it's never too early to reinforce this in our children too. This book is an important start to normalising difference and boosting your kid's self-worth.
Nelly und die Berlinchen. Rettung auf dem Spielplatz (Nelly and the Berliners(?), Rescue Mission at the Playground) by Karin Beese and Mathilde Rousseau, recommended for ages 3 and up.
The author Beese was tired of the way 'Otherness' was represented in the picture books - accepting you were different from the norm, within the context of migration, integration and so on. She used crowd funding and together with illustrator Rousseau, published the book herself. It is the start of a series and a follow-up is already out. Kudos to the author for such an initiative. It's a book that so many parents and children see themselves in...the big question, then, is why is this such an exception?
Who are the characters and what is the story about? - Nelly, Hannah and Amina are a supercool trio who often meet up..today they are at the playground:
Donner, Hitze, Sommerblitze!
Wer macht immer gute Witze?
Drei Mädchen, die hier jeder kennt
und die man die Berlinchen nennt!
Hannah lacht: Das ist der Hit!
Kommt, wir machen alle mit!
Blitze, Witze, wir sind Spitze,
richtig cool trotz großer Hitze!
Told in rhyme (Nelly is well-known for her rhymes), the story revolves around finding a way to rescue Amina's teddybear from her older brother Samir. Samir and Amina had a spat and out of revenge, Samir threw Amina's teddy up on the playhouse where he stands guard with his friend Oscar. The friends unsuccessfully try to retrieve the teddy and Amina decides it's her call. As a trio, the girls are strong, assertive, brave and funny. Is it a teaming up of the minorities? - Nelly, from a mixed family (white mother, black father), Amina (Muslim family) and Hannah (single parent family)? Is this what drew the girls together? That they all stuck out for some reason from the 'norm'? In the end, it doesn't matter, ...or does it?
The girls all have assertive, positive roles in the story. The context is the playground where every child can relate to spats, bickering and little gangs. The girls take the teddy matter into their own hands and make peace with Big Brother Samir and Oscar.
The illustrations can stand on their own and realistically and faithfully complement the text.
Resuce Mission at the Playground is a story about friendship, bravery, sibling fights and solidarity.
Although sometimes the rhyming (especially the introduction when the girls meet up) may sound unconvincing, the lightheartedness of the story and the meeting point of the playground where conflicts start and end are a welcome setting in a fiction world that is oftentimes too white and black.
On the inside front and back covers, there are pictures of the trio and a 'mirror' for the reader to identify herself and be part of the story. At the back, the girls are seen with their families and an empty slot is left for the reader and her family.
The book screams diversity and seems to want to make up for its lack in picture books by including as many minorities as possible, and giving all of them a positive, substantial role. I personally think the different images of the girls inside the front cover with the mirror for the reader's image and the pictures of their families are totally superfluous and simply drive home the point that this is indeed a book about differences...but not differences/minorities the way they are usually portrayed (secondary roles, as the outsider confronting/interacting with the main white, mostly blonde protagonist) but a reversing of roles where these secondary characters are finally given strong, confident voices..it's a fictitious place where they can finally be at home in their own skin.
Also worth underlining is the assertive title - that these girls are from Berlin - there are Black Germans, there are Muslim Germans..wake up Germany and smell the diversity around you and flowing in you!
'Du gehörst dazu! Das grosse Buch der Familien' by Mary Hoffman and Ros Asquith (original title in English The Great Big Book of Families, first published in 2010). Recommended for ages 2 and up.
An excellent book to introduce kids at a very young age to the different family constitutions and constellations. It is witty, with wonderful illustrations reminding us all of our ingrained prejudices when it comes to families and what they should look like. The first page tells us that for a very, very long time most families in books looked like this - mother, father, two (blond) kids, a cat and a dog and a nice fenced house with a garden. In fact, in real life, families come in all shapes and sizes. The categories this picture book focuses on include Homes, School, Jobs, Holidays, Eating Habits, Clothes, Pets, Festivals, Hobbies, Emotions and so on.
The book is fun to read and the pictures encourage engaging dialogues. Contrary to common representations, there is a picture of a large, blond household made up of eight kids, for example. Same sex parenting, families with adopted children, single parent families and extended ones are all included in the different family constellations. Under the heading 'Jobs', it's the mother rushing off to work while the father stays at home. The illustrations feature different skin colours and profiles in very diverse settings, thereby moving away from stereotypes that categorise people according to their gender, religion, skin colour etc- It includes the lives of rich and poor families, those who can afford to travel abroad and those who stay at home during the holidays, each enjoying themselves in different ways.
An excellent book to start with if you want to promote an open, tolerant and understanding environment in your home!
The Big Box by Toni Morrison, her first children's book written together with her son, Slade Morrison.
If there is a controversial children's book that embraces and celebrates the right to be different (read the right to be yourself, the right to be free), then this example would rank very high. The book/story was first published in the Ms. Magazine in 1980 and was later turned into a children's book illustrated by Giselle Potter. It was however, rejected many times despite Morisson's indisputable status in the book world. One often-cited reason by one publisher was 'we don't publish books in which the child at the end is not reconciled with the adult point of view'! Oof! What a hard pill to swallow!
Morrison makes a call to parents and educators to realise the power of their children's choices. Meanwhile, the verdict remains unclear as to whether the book is appropriate for children or not. The recommended age is 8 and up but I've read it with my five-year old, although I concede that there are many things she may not understand. Does that however mean that the book is not appropriate? I think we sometimes need to open up our own minds and hearts to books that may first appear challenging or difficult and learn to process it with our children. Why are the children in a box and why is the door locked?, my child wanted to know.
The Big Box the three children are put in isn't really punishment because they are pampered and fed and cared for with parents who come every Wednesday to bring more things and seemingly fill the space left by the void that their absence has created. The children who do not fit the norm for 'well-behaved', established by the adult world, break the rules in subtle ways and are told by the grown-ups that they can't handle their freedom, something a school teacher had once told Morisson's son when he was younger. The book is basically an answer and a context for such a comment made by a person in authority. Whose freedom are you talking about?
Freedom for a child has different meanings and nuances as it does for adults and this has to be recognised. Morrison then sets out to critique this adult's conception of freedom (which includes protection, punishment when rules are broken, overwhelming kids with toys and stimuli to promote their growth and development..all the while creating a framework that can be very oppressive and restrictive, not leaving any room or space to make mistakes, to learn through experiment and contact with nature).
Each of the three children reply the same when told that they can't handle their freedom:
'I know you are smart and I know that you think
You are doing what is best for me.
But if freedom is handled just your way
then it's not my freedom or free'.
Powerful words that any child would have difficulty articulating but whose message is simply a scream to allow 'me' (the child) to discover my own path and to not be corrected or restrained or punished for doing things my way (read differently), for sometimes breaking a rule I don't agree with, for sometimes following through with my idea (why not give the bees honey instead of taking it away from them?) to see what happens. Don't we all want our children to stand up and think for themselves in the end? In this light, one might argue that the book is indeed a book for children with children in mind and not with the intention to please the adults reading it.
The children manage to break free from the big brown box they are locked in, they are free to see the world with their own eyes, they don't need a picture of the sky or the sounds of seagulls in a recording, they don't need to see films from a projector or have soil in a glass. Outside of this box, they can find this (and much more) out all by themselves...and that's how you really learn, if you ask me!
Here is bell hooks on the importance of critiquing children's education and keeping a keen eye on the books that are shaping our children's image of themselves and their place in the world:
'When contemporary feminist movement was at its peak, sexist biases in books for children were critiqued. Books "for free children" were written. Once we ceased being critically vigilant, the sexism began to reappear. Children's literature is one of the most crucial sites for feminist education for critical consciousness precisely because beliefs and identities are still being formed. And more often than not narrow-minded thinking about gender continues to be the norm on the playground. Public education for children has to be a place where feminist activists continue to do the work of creating an unbiased curriculum (from her manual Feminism is for Everybody)
I Am Enough by Grace Byers (recommended for ages 3 to 5)
'I know that we don't look the same:
our skin, our eyes, our hair, our frame.
but that does not dictate our worth:
we both have places here on earth' (extract from 'I Am Enough')
You are as potent as the sun, you can soar like a bird, you are as imposing as a mountain... There will be difficult moments but you just have to get up and get back on...of course with love and support and self-worth, the task becomes less daunting. that's basically the message of this book with very powerful illustrations that have tried to be as inclusive as possible - girls with glasses, in a wheelchair, in a hijab..all just blending in with all the other differences that make up the world. The book has been widely praised for its illustrations by Khetura Bobo and in an interview, Byers mentioned their joint effort in selecting the images to go with her text. She admits not being a writer - this is her first picture book - and is more known for her role as actress in the popular TV series Empire but adds that everyone has a story and something to say.
Byers moved to the US from the Cayman Islands in her teenage years, was the child of deaf parents and was the victim of bullying as a child. These experiences and how she overcame them, are reflected in her feel-good lines and her message to make children and adults know that they are enough no matter what they may look like or how others define them. Her lines are certainly uplifting, although she has been criticised for some of her imagery and the difficulty of relating to them (eg. Like the rain, I'm here to pour and drip and fall until I'm full').
All in all, a good book that celebrates the self with uplifting, inspiring messages and attractive illustrations. It's a good start to introducing your child to the wholeness that we are part of, although the words may sometimes sound hollow with little resonance. Nonetheless, we all need to remind ourselves that we are enough and it's never too early to reinforce this in our children too. This book is an important start to normalising difference and boosting your kid's self-worth.
Nelly und die Berlinchen. Rettung auf dem Spielplatz (Nelly and the Berliners(?), Rescue Mission at the Playground) by Karin Beese and Mathilde Rousseau, recommended for ages 3 and up.
The author Beese was tired of the way 'Otherness' was represented in the picture books - accepting you were different from the norm, within the context of migration, integration and so on. She used crowd funding and together with illustrator Rousseau, published the book herself. It is the start of a series and a follow-up is already out. Kudos to the author for such an initiative. It's a book that so many parents and children see themselves in...the big question, then, is why is this such an exception?
Who are the characters and what is the story about? - Nelly, Hannah and Amina are a supercool trio who often meet up..today they are at the playground:
Donner, Hitze, Sommerblitze!
Wer macht immer gute Witze?
Drei Mädchen, die hier jeder kennt
und die man die Berlinchen nennt!
Hannah lacht: Das ist der Hit!
Kommt, wir machen alle mit!
Blitze, Witze, wir sind Spitze,
richtig cool trotz großer Hitze!
Told in rhyme (Nelly is well-known for her rhymes), the story revolves around finding a way to rescue Amina's teddybear from her older brother Samir. Samir and Amina had a spat and out of revenge, Samir threw Amina's teddy up on the playhouse where he stands guard with his friend Oscar. The friends unsuccessfully try to retrieve the teddy and Amina decides it's her call. As a trio, the girls are strong, assertive, brave and funny. Is it a teaming up of the minorities? - Nelly, from a mixed family (white mother, black father), Amina (Muslim family) and Hannah (single parent family)? Is this what drew the girls together? That they all stuck out for some reason from the 'norm'? In the end, it doesn't matter, ...or does it?
The girls all have assertive, positive roles in the story. The context is the playground where every child can relate to spats, bickering and little gangs. The girls take the teddy matter into their own hands and make peace with Big Brother Samir and Oscar.
The illustrations can stand on their own and realistically and faithfully complement the text.
Resuce Mission at the Playground is a story about friendship, bravery, sibling fights and solidarity.
Although sometimes the rhyming (especially the introduction when the girls meet up) may sound unconvincing, the lightheartedness of the story and the meeting point of the playground where conflicts start and end are a welcome setting in a fiction world that is oftentimes too white and black.
On the inside front and back covers, there are pictures of the trio and a 'mirror' for the reader to identify herself and be part of the story. At the back, the girls are seen with their families and an empty slot is left for the reader and her family.
The book screams diversity and seems to want to make up for its lack in picture books by including as many minorities as possible, and giving all of them a positive, substantial role. I personally think the different images of the girls inside the front cover with the mirror for the reader's image and the pictures of their families are totally superfluous and simply drive home the point that this is indeed a book about differences...but not differences/minorities the way they are usually portrayed (secondary roles, as the outsider confronting/interacting with the main white, mostly blonde protagonist) but a reversing of roles where these secondary characters are finally given strong, confident voices..it's a fictitious place where they can finally be at home in their own skin.
Also worth underlining is the assertive title - that these girls are from Berlin - there are Black Germans, there are Muslim Germans..wake up Germany and smell the diversity around you and flowing in you!
'Du gehörst dazu! Das grosse Buch der Familien' by Mary Hoffman and Ros Asquith (original title in English The Great Big Book of Families, first published in 2010). Recommended for ages 2 and up.
An excellent book to introduce kids at a very young age to the different family constitutions and constellations. It is witty, with wonderful illustrations reminding us all of our ingrained prejudices when it comes to families and what they should look like. The first page tells us that for a very, very long time most families in books looked like this - mother, father, two (blond) kids, a cat and a dog and a nice fenced house with a garden. In fact, in real life, families come in all shapes and sizes. The categories this picture book focuses on include Homes, School, Jobs, Holidays, Eating Habits, Clothes, Pets, Festivals, Hobbies, Emotions and so on.
The book is fun to read and the pictures encourage engaging dialogues. Contrary to common representations, there is a picture of a large, blond household made up of eight kids, for example. Same sex parenting, families with adopted children, single parent families and extended ones are all included in the different family constellations. Under the heading 'Jobs', it's the mother rushing off to work while the father stays at home. The illustrations feature different skin colours and profiles in very diverse settings, thereby moving away from stereotypes that categorise people according to their gender, religion, skin colour etc- It includes the lives of rich and poor families, those who can afford to travel abroad and those who stay at home during the holidays, each enjoying themselves in different ways.
An excellent book to start with if you want to promote an open, tolerant and understanding environment in your home!
The Big Box by Toni Morrison, her first children's book written together with her son, Slade Morrison.
If there is a controversial children's book that embraces and celebrates the right to be different (read the right to be yourself, the right to be free), then this example would rank very high. The book/story was first published in the Ms. Magazine in 1980 and was later turned into a children's book illustrated by Giselle Potter. It was however, rejected many times despite Morisson's indisputable status in the book world. One often-cited reason by one publisher was 'we don't publish books in which the child at the end is not reconciled with the adult point of view'! Oof! What a hard pill to swallow!
Morrison makes a call to parents and educators to realise the power of their children's choices. Meanwhile, the verdict remains unclear as to whether the book is appropriate for children or not. The recommended age is 8 and up but I've read it with my five-year old, although I concede that there are many things she may not understand. Does that however mean that the book is not appropriate? I think we sometimes need to open up our own minds and hearts to books that may first appear challenging or difficult and learn to process it with our children. Why are the children in a box and why is the door locked?, my child wanted to know.
The Big Box the three children are put in isn't really punishment because they are pampered and fed and cared for with parents who come every Wednesday to bring more things and seemingly fill the space left by the void that their absence has created. The children who do not fit the norm for 'well-behaved', established by the adult world, break the rules in subtle ways and are told by the grown-ups that they can't handle their freedom, something a school teacher had once told Morisson's son when he was younger. The book is basically an answer and a context for such a comment made by a person in authority. Whose freedom are you talking about?
Freedom for a child has different meanings and nuances as it does for adults and this has to be recognised. Morrison then sets out to critique this adult's conception of freedom (which includes protection, punishment when rules are broken, overwhelming kids with toys and stimuli to promote their growth and development..all the while creating a framework that can be very oppressive and restrictive, not leaving any room or space to make mistakes, to learn through experiment and contact with nature).
Each of the three children reply the same when told that they can't handle their freedom:
'I know you are smart and I know that you think
You are doing what is best for me.
But if freedom is handled just your way
then it's not my freedom or free'.
Powerful words that any child would have difficulty articulating but whose message is simply a scream to allow 'me' (the child) to discover my own path and to not be corrected or restrained or punished for doing things my way (read differently), for sometimes breaking a rule I don't agree with, for sometimes following through with my idea (why not give the bees honey instead of taking it away from them?) to see what happens. Don't we all want our children to stand up and think for themselves in the end? In this light, one might argue that the book is indeed a book for children with children in mind and not with the intention to please the adults reading it.
The children manage to break free from the big brown box they are locked in, they are free to see the world with their own eyes, they don't need a picture of the sky or the sounds of seagulls in a recording, they don't need to see films from a projector or have soil in a glass. Outside of this box, they can find this (and much more) out all by themselves...and that's how you really learn, if you ask me!
Is the book in the end a plea to educators and parents to rethink how they bring up their children and what they surround them with? It is. Can the book also engage children and take them along this journey of having to fit in the moulds we adults make for them and allowing them in the end the freedom to dare to be themselves? Well, that we would never know. The temptation to quote Morrison is too great and this is how I end my comment on this very BIG book:
'Every mistake any parent ever made, I have made with my children. But I'd say to trust. Trust them a little bit more than you do. Don't trust the world because it's not trustworthy, but trust the children to figure it out. If you give them the opportunity to figure it out and applaud them—not because they are beautiful or because they ate their food—but when they figure something out on their own. That's what I like (Toni Morrison in interview with Rob Capriccioso)
For her complete interview speaking about her books for children, see here.
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